Working with your loved ones in the family business—when it works, it’s great. And when it doesn’t… I’m not saying it’s as painful as being attacked by a ravenous grizzly bear and having your arms ripped off your body, but it’s a close second.   

Seriously, there are pros and cons, ups and downs, to working with family. I’ve got great memories of my years of working in the family business, but I also learned some hard lessons along the way. I get this question a lot about whether or not to work with family—it’s quite common for those of us in the construction trades. We set the goal of going out and starting our own business and often turn to family or close friends to help us get started. What seems like the perfect solution often backfires at some point. And because it’s family—those we love and respect the most—the pain of separating can really bite.  

So, here’s what I’ve learned along the way—perhaps it will help you make those tough decisions.       

WORKING WITH MY DAD

I worked for my Dad for 11 years in the family business—he owned a fence company. As I grew up, I learned not only more about the business in general but also about my father’s business management style. Although I’m forever grateful for all that he taught me, I came to realize that we had differing viewpoints on how a business should be run. It wasn’t necessarily that his way was wrong and my way was right or vice versa—it was just that we looked at things quite differently. After college, an offer came along to work somewhere else, and I reached for it. Unfortunately, this caused my relationship with my father to be strained for a few months. 

And that is one of the realities that you have to prepare for when you choose to work with family. There may come a point when it is best to part ways—but that doesn’t mean the family ties have to be severed. How you handle the professional breakup—having open, honest conversations about why it no longer works for you to stay, and resisting the urge to lay the blame all on them—will shape your personal relationship going forward. 

Leaving my father’s business was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do; it was also one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  

IF THE SHOE DOESN’T FIT…

If you’re shopping for new work boots and you try on your size but realize it is just too small and is cramping your toes, what do you do? Force your feet to endure the discomfort because it’s the “right” size and supposed to fit? No, you go a size up. Or try a different boot. 

Here’s my point: If working with your family in business is not the right fit, don’t force it. Doing so will only hurt your relationship further and possibly end up damaging it beyond repair. Accept the fact that you and this person—no matter how much you love them—are simply not going to work well together. You are butting heads constantly. Or, worse yet, you’ve got to consider letting them go because they are not pulling their weight, and that is causing animosity among the other employees. And if you feel the business is suffering due to the friction and lack of clear direction, it’s time to separate. You can’t move forward if you are at a standstill. 

DON’T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS SIGNS

Here are a few signs that it’s time to part ways: You grow increasingly frustrated in not having your voice heard. You offer valuable input, but it’s quickly dismissed. You realize you’ll never reach upper management because you are “too young” or because you haven’t been doing this for twenty years like they have. Or, as a partner, you see the business is headed off track and you feel powerless to stop it. As time goes on, you begin to enjoy your work less and less.  

Don’t ignore the warning signs; take action before too much time is wasted, and you look back and think, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” When all peace treaties have failed, and conversation gets you nowhere, listen to your gut. Vow to maintain your professionalism and endeavor to leave on good terms (this is your family we’re talking about… you’re going to see them at the cookout on the weekend). 

LOOKING BACK…

Honestly, when I look back at my decision to leave the family business and start my own company, I have no regrets. It was the right choice for me, for my business, and my relationship with my father. Happily, we have a fantastic relationship now, and my father has expressed how proud he is of my decision and ultimate success in starting my own company. That means so much to me. But we had to get through the messy part of realizing that we were not meant to be in business together. 

We don’t have to be business partners; we just need to be father and son.   

NS Builders wants to welcome you into our family and help you build your dream home. Discover what our definition of luxury looks like! Contact us today to get started. 

—Nick Schiffer